@AJslackie: Feed me once shame on you, Feed me twice i'm moving in.
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@daemonic3: Alex: A ship that has sunk What is my relationship? Alex: No sorry tha- [glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex
@realHamOnWry: After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US is about to unleash its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date…the American tourist.
@evanrhorne: As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"