@TheRealRHB: Feeding some weed to the turkey so it will already be baked when we kill it... Will save sooo much time !
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@Playing_Dad: Walk up in the club like "THIS IS MY JAM" handing out small jars of my homemade raspberry preserves
@LeonEarlgrey: Don't bite the hand that feeds you, But don't bite any other hands either because that is how diseases are spread.
@jake_likes_naps: [accidentally calls teacher "mom"] MY BRAIN: shit, play it cool. say something. ME: what's for dinner tonight BRAIN: what
@TheFearBoners: When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill.