@MomOfTeen: "Feel the burn" yells my fitness instructor as I think that's probably how Satan greets people in Hell.
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@Parkerlawyer: My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.
@TheCheish: Mother: can you please fix my computer Me: *leans back in chair* well... well ... well ... if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
@OctopusCaveman: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Me: What’s the good news? Doctor: The good news is you’re alive. The bad news is you’re going to have to diet and exercise to stay that way