@SoVeryBritish: Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass
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@captainkalvis: me: my hot water doesn’t work landlord: not my domain firelord: nor mine me: what waterlord: [rising out of the sink] WHO DARES DISRUPT THE MIGHTY WATERLORD, GOD OF THE 7 SEAS me: i-i do. My hot water doesn’t work waterlord: oh shit for real? i'll call the plumber
@birbigs: I like the show on fox news where there are 4 conservative idiots yelling at one liberal idiot.
@funflaps: ZOMBIE: braaains LION ZOMBIE: maaanes KINKY ZOMBIE: caaanes TARZAN ZOMBIE: jaaanes PLUMBER ZOMBIE: draaains DRIVING ZOMBIE: laaanes TRAVELLING ZOMBIE: traaains WALL STREET ZOMBIE: gaaains
@LoveNLunchmeat: Just saw a homeless man smoking a cigarette & it made me really sad... I wish I could afford cigarettes.