@SamGirlSunday: Feeling sad because my hamster died... Well he's not 'technically' dead yet, but I ran out of food so it's really just a matter of days.
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@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.
@internetluke: [vet office] Hi I am here to drop my cat off. Just a check-up. *doctor walks out* "Hi, I am Dr. Curiosity we- I'll take my cat elsewhere
@Stuccoman1: The way my dog maintains eye contact while taking a dump is unsettling. Can't he read a magazine like a normal dog?