@SamGirlSunday: Feeling sad because my hamster died... Well he's not 'technically' dead yet, but I ran out of food so it's really just a matter of days.
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@justabloodygame: The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death.
@TheHyyyype: Apparently when your wife says "let's make a baby," she doesn't mean assemble an infant from clay and chant The Old Words inside a pentagram
@skullpuppy11: The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it's eyes when it saw me.
@iamjeffsloan: Breaking Bad is my favorite documentary about what it takes to be an entrepreneur while balancing family life.