@kelkulus: Felix Baumgartner's 127,000 ft jump becomes world's greatest free fall, unseating previous record set by the 2008 US Economy. #spacejump
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@ScubavelliDeux: *finally convinces self to date again as there are plenty of fish in the sea* Fish: I have a koi friend.
@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
@CoreyKeyz: You got 30 minutes to text me back or I'm breaking into your house & responding to myself.