@KevinFarzad: Fellas, here's a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.
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@DiamondGirl127: "Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I'm just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
@qwertying: Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
@aLunchBox: I hate when fire trucks drive real slow with the siren on. There's one behind me right now. So annoying.
@TheAdly: Why is your ass split vertically? Because if it was split horizontally it would clap when you're going down the stairs.