@JessicaVarsity: Felony Insurance, like car insurance but for when you hate someone so much you just have to throw a cinder block through their windshield.
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@moose_chocolate: Some might say I peed my pants. I like to say I voided my bladder into my trousers like the classy refined gentleman that I am. #bt140
@murrman5: lower my casket into the ground and play "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" If you see someone not singing the Wimba Way part, kick them out.
@KeetPotato: [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]