@GrantTanaka: Felt a sharp pain in my chest & thought "oh shit, I'm having a heart attack," but it just turned out to be my wife stabbing me.
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@Fred_Delicious: [gets found guilty of murder] [sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat] [appeals] [gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]
@trojansauce: *wears one gryffindor and one slytherin sock to work to represent the internal human struggle between good and evil*
@jessokfine: When someone says "women like you" to me, I assume they're referring to extremely powerful wizards.