@FavoritesYou: Felt bad about hitting a car yesterday but I remembered to leave a note. Didn't have a pen so I used my key.
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@rolldiggity: MEDIC: "Put pressure on the wound!" ME: "Hey, wound! All the cool kids are drinking and you should too!"
@rickolantern: *replaces cream in doughnuts with mayo, tries not to laugh as Frank from accounting eats one...watches, waits, frowns as Frank goes for 2nd
@daemonic3: [hospital] "Will dad ever wake from his coma?" WIFE: Of course dear [loudly] LET'S GO HOME TO ORGANIZE & RE-ARRANGE HIS TOOLS DAD: I'M UP