@BrandonVine: Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees.
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@BadJordon: I'm just a boy, standing in front of the toilet paper aisle, trying to decide whether I want to wipe with a pillow, a cloud, or a kitten.
@Lakeoconeebldr: This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.
@RobbieGramer: Trumps’ “VOICE” Hotline set up for people to report on crime from illegal aliens was reportedly overloaded with calls about space aliens
@Sickayduh: "What's that?" - My new boss. He's very deciduous" "Decisive?" - Nope. I carved him from a potted tree. *squirrel peeks out of his mouth*