@SamuelHLowe: Fencing proves that with enough rules even a sword fight can be boring as hell.
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@pleatedjeans: Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim Wife: don't you hate Tim? Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes
@CruisinSoozan: I startled a mom and her kids in the Back To School aisle today at work. I came around the corner and yelled SUPPLIES!
@NathanBgood: He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on.