@LarenWill: Ferrari squats
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@SamSykesSwears: "If Bernie doesn't get the nom, I'm voting Trump." "Also, if McDonald's is out of chicken nuggets, I'm going to eat 20 scorpions."
@jtswhipped: Just watched Inception,Donnie Darko,Memento and The Matrix and now I don't think I am real anymore.
@ThePocketJustin: Draw attention to your older tweets by being arrested on suspicion of multiple murders.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!