@StansaidAirport: Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.
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@Book_Krazy: Boss: It's almost quitting time. Drinks? Me: In my top desk drawer. Help yourself. Boss:...
@AimeeHelene1: Me: Heeeeyyyyyy Judy, good morning! *scratches Judy's back, wiping off my Cheeto fingers* Judy: Hi!!! How are y..... Me: *walks away*
@man_spach: "I'm sorry I could never do that for you," said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.