@Scott_A_Gilmore: Few people know that inventor of the car alarm Enrico Irritanti never owned an automobile. He did, however, passionately hate his neighbors.
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@onion_an: [1st day as criminal sketch artist] Victim: He was blonde had blue eyes, he was about 6ft t.... Me: I'm gonna need a longer sheet of paper
@Midgetspar: The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "What's your greatest strength?" *45 minutes later* Me: "I'm very comfortable with silence."