@Not_James_Vogel:

@Pro_Jones_: Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's- Son: Dad please don't... Dad: Lawn gone.

@Sanbel11: -I can't stand liars and fakes -You are so pretty -See? Why can't everyone be honest like you

@perlapell: My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.

@KelFocker: I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"