@theyearofelan: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
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@trumpetcake: Eating chocolate pudding from a diaper is a good way to get a whole row to yourself at the cinema.
@rockymomax: [having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!
@PaperWash: [driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD
@MyHairyLife: Male seahorses get pregnant. In related news, scientists believe men who tell women what to with their bodies come back as seahorses.