@SodomyClown: Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters.
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@ohheyohhihello: I stole a friend's phone today and set it so it will autocorrect "I've" to "me've" and me'm really excited about it.
@ehdannyboy: i have good and bad news Wife: Ok, the bad news? i didn't clean out the garage Wife:*sigh* the good news? [holds up cat dressed as Thor]
@SteveSuckington: Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but they won't have sex with you either.
@robfee: House Hunters: We need plenty of space for entertaining, 62 bedrooms, a fully staffed Cheesecake Factory & a heliport. Our budget is $287.