@TheCiscoKidder: Fight Club, but instead of blowing up all the financial institutions, they reset all twitter follower counts back to zero.
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@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
@RexHuppke: My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.
@TheCiscoKidder: You know you spend too much time with your kids when there's Sesame Street music in your head while mentally undressing women.
@JohnLyonTweets: And the cat's in the cradle so the baby must be at the pet groomer's, this is a terrible mix-up.