@Jake_Vig: "Remember six seconds ago when you were comfortable?" - oscillating fans

@3sunzzz: M: There was yelling and pushing! I've never been trapped in a mob! I was so scared! H: It was a 3rd grade field trip. M: I BROKE A NAIL!

@ItsAndyRyan: I hated Sex Ed at school. Or 'Sexy Edward', to give him his full name.

@GabbbarSingh: Your greatness is measured by the font-size of your obituary.

@baeblacksheep: ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy.