@CruelMeiga: If I was Steve Jobs I would engrave on my tombstone: iDied.

@beefman138: I have done about 300 crunches for my new exercise routine. 299 of them are Nestlé.

@AristotlesNZ: Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..

@SteussieErica: [Calling guy I met in bar in '91] Me: Remember you said "Call me any time?" Well, I could really use a sitter tonight.

@robdelaney: TEENS: You might find yourself "embarrassed" by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed.