@TheGladStork: Fill the piñata with goat intestines to teach children about the brutal consequences of violence.
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@max_pad21: I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: "What do you do at a red light?" Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."
@sad_tree: [Bank Robbery] Put all the money in the bag and no one- *sees guy wearing a Maroon 5 shirt* MOST people won't get hurt!!
@Try2StopME: My girlfriend started complaining about my lack of interest in her family. So I dated her sister..