@iQuoteComedy: Final Destination 5" ...well someone doesn't understand the meaning of "Final."
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@mynameisntdave: [sex] GF: u bring protection? ME: ya [i show a gun] GF: not what I meant ME: I kno, I have a fox guarding us. The gun is for if it wigs out
@HockeyTornado: Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
@mattgallo123: This cashier just held my five dollar bill up to the light in case you're wondering how I do with first impressions.
@dumbbeezie: Thank you to all the people who tweet landscape pictures so we don't forget what it looks like outside