@sip_at_home_mom: Finally cleaned out the fridge to make meal planning easier. Tonight, we're having buttered olives with mustard and baking soda.
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@CooIStepDad: [running from cop] *cop catches me* "Get on the ground or I'll taze ya" *pulls jellyfish from pocket* "Look they were all out of tazers"
@WKirkMarshall: (meeting for naming cereal) "List the ingredients; maybe we'll get inspired." "Honey, bunches of oats–" "I think we're done here."
@ericsshadow: The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
@MikeRevenaugh: Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say "You silly goose."