@chiggerweeds: Finally figured out that 'YOLO' is 'carpe diem' in douchebag.
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@AndyAsAdjective: an alarm clock that repeatedly & loudly makes the sound of a windshield wiper going across a windshield that is not completely wet
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I really like a man who notices things. ME: [trying to impress] Your eyebrows make you look like an Angry Bird.
@Cryborg2000: [calling my cousin while babysitting his kids] yo the one with the ski mask and the knife is refusing to go to bed
@TheTweetOfGod: The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.