@jordan_stratton: Finally found a house! We couldn't afford it and it wasn't for sale, but we just murdered the owners and took it anyway. Happy Columbus Day!
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@emsykay: Animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before the last earthquake,our dog took the car keys and drove off
@EJGomez: employee: over 100 ppl were killed by the dinosaurs again CEO: my God [10yrs later] CEO: what if we made a dinosaur theme park again lmao
@arielleBigBlue: When a guy wearing shorts and sandals to a bar is picking out songs on the jukebox, it's going to end badly for everyone.
@novicefather: I'm at my most audacious and brazen when I shamelessly use words like audacious and brazen.