@noxxhell: Finally getting around to shaving my legs, blow drying them kept taking to long.
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@UncleDuke1969: [office] Me: Happy Black Friday! Latisha: … Me: I made a cake! Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: … Latisha: … Me: It’s chocolate.
@david8hughes: [Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: I just bought toilet paper. How are we out already? ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess
@donni: It's hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt's house