@TheThomason: Finally got the "Josh Duggar is good" neck tattoo I've wanted for years, now let me just read today's news as I take a large sip of water...
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@WheelTod: Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what interests you about this job? Me: the pay Interviewer: can you be more specific? Me: cash
@CorkyKneivel: Pretty messed up that every year I swallow 8 spiders. And none of them ever call me again.