@bryanmcc74: Finally I have an excuse for getting fat, heard on radio about girl who been eating in her sleep ... That's it, I've got that !
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@EndhooS: Wife: He's always lying about his celebrity connections.. Therapist: Is this true? Me: Just wait til Sonic The Hedgehog hears this bullshit.
@DontDraketheIce: Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad
@ValeeGrrl: My son just explained how he wants to make a necklace out of my hair which is totally normal & doesn't at all concern & terrify me.
@_NTFG_: In a physio waiting room amongst athletes comparing their stories. I can't wait until my turn when I tell them I slept wrong on my pillow.