@VerifiedDrunk: Finally nailed my girlfriend and her twin last night You know how I tell them apart? Her brother has a mustache.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@milehighocd: Don't take a shower when you're drunk. The curtain does not support you when you fall. Trust me.
@Smooheed: I'm not saying you've had too much Botox, it's just that you should still be able to shrug your shoulders