@michaelianblack: Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good.
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@DaddyJew: "Welcome to money management. Have you all paid your $200 entrance fee?" "Yes" "Excellent, never give money to strangers. Class dismissed"
@OfficialMizGin: My mom when I was a kid: “Never talk to strangers.” “Never get in their cars.” Me to my future kids: “Here’s how to order an Uber.”
@AngelaEhh: My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
@SteveSuckington: Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses? Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.