@zachreinert03: finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
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@BreadFoster: I "pet zone" girls. It's like the friend zone, but, I only hang out if your dog will be there.
@gerryhallcomedy: If anyone on the street asks for directions - give directions to YOUR house. Then run home, put on music and wait for your new best friend!
@KateWhineHall: My sister had a baby today. I think I've used that as an excuse to get out of more stuff this week than she has.
@moose_chocolate: Before you move to Canada after Trump gets elected, just know that it's May 13th and it's currently snowing here.