@zachreinert03: finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Love is courageous, but so is arm wrestling a bear and you don't see anyone suggesting that.
@Reverend_Scott: Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?
@The_Sculptress: If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact.
@splendidcynic: Establish dominance at the dentist by hitting them with a rock and asking if THAT is comfortable.