@zachreinert03: finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
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@Fred_Delicious: "ARGHH A HOUSE SPIDER" [spider removes earbuds] "yah actually im more into ambient trance but whatever"
@AaronFullerton: To gangs that carve their names into public toilet seats: A) Why? B) Haha, you touched a public toilet seat.
@Th3BadGuy__: I asked a girl to kiss me under a mistletoe and she said she wouldn't kiss me under anesthesia.