@zachreinert03: finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
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@jackiembouvier: [First date] Me: So, I've been married for 12 years - Him: You're married?? Me: Is that a problem?
@HenpeckedHal: condom commercials should just be a live-feed of couples trying to enjoy a decent meal at a restaurant with their kids
@HatfieldAnne: I will continue putting this peanut butter on the wrong side of each saltine until my demands are met.