@zachreinert03: finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
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@tiffpats4eva: Watching The Bible. Didn't realize everyone spoke w/ a British accent back then. Neat.
@AsaAkira: A lot of you are calling me "mom" lately. Is it cause I'm old? Or cause you respect me? I hope for your sake it's cause I'm old.
@AbrasiveGhost: [Wife watching news]: The tuxedo store was robbed. Know anything about that? Me in super frilly tux: Nope *Dog walks in also wearing tux*
@ClichedOut: [first day as waiter] Customer: Do you ever have second thoughts? Me: *sweating* I can ask the chef.