@RobDenBleyker: Finally watching Michael Bay's TMNT. Best part so far is a dude answering a Skype call and yelling "How did you get this number?!?"
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@brookeisgolden: An underage sweater walks into a bar for the third time. The bartender says, "I'm gonna need to see your cardigan."
@SSDated: Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??