@TattedChanel: 'Find a guy who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara ' lol mate ruin any part of my makeup nd ur gettin smacked down
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@krisv_723: Him: I just got stung. I'm allergic. Grab me my EpiPen. Me: Do you know how much those cost? Have a Benadryl.
@Phook75: Whenever my neighbor looks like they want to speak to me. I collapse to the ground motionless as if I were one of Andy's toys.
@candygrlMT: Stop telling me your newborns weight and length. I don't know what to do with that information.