@mellimelle: Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll wtf, that thing is filthy. Wash your hands immediately.
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@mattingebretson: I saw a woman crying on a park bench so I sat down and hugged her and whispered "please stop stealing my spotlight"
@MelvinofYork: My kid told me an “old dead girl” lives in her room and whispers to her at night. I hope they get along cuz I’m never going in there again.
@AnnaKendrick47: My life would be so much easier if it wasn't for that thing…God, what is that thing called…other people.
@Molly_Kats: The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I'm 100% sure there's a murderer in my bathroom.