@jwoodham: Find a way to dress up as "accidentally liking someone's Facebook picture from 2 years ago" and really scare people this Halloween.
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@Iwriteforcats: Geppetto: Whew it's a cold one. Pinocchio: Mhmm. G: Fire's running low. P: Mhmm. G: Wonder *sharpens axe* where I could get some wood.
@ValeeGrrl: 4pm Me: How was school today? Kid: ... 6pm Me: Do anything fun today? Kid: ... Bedtime Me: Goodnight! Kid: Guess what happened at school?
@LionJenkins: [First day at New Job] New Boss: When in Rome do as the Romans you know? <Slaughters entire office and imposes grain taxes on peasantry>
@kelkulus: I can't tell if Michael Cera is actually an actor, or just an awkward guy who keeps wandering onto film sets and does his best to fit in.