@The_MartiniGirl: Find someone to make you laugh everyday and if that doesn't work find alcohol like I did.
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@Mike_Vanatta: My wife complains that I never open the car door for her, but when I do she's all, "Stop it, you're driving too fast! We're on a bridge!"
@Vodkantots: It's like my nana always used to say: If you really hate him that much, just marry him and then get fat.
@Prof_Hinkley: [emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No
@AndyAsAdjective: BOSS: I need to see you in my office ME: *I begrudgingly take off my invisibility cloak* oh alright