@Reverend_Scott: Me: I won't be needing you to help me work through my problems anymore. Therapist: why's that? Me: I got a dog.

@McKnightyBoo: My 6yo has been rolling around on the floor for 30 mins whining for me to get her some juice cause SHE doesn't want to Go ahead. Have kids

@TheRobCee: [Jr. Biology class, girls in jumpsuits burst in] OK, who's ready for fun? We're The Photosynthesisters & we're gonna talk 2 U about PLANTS!

@UnFitz: "If we don't know a word for something, why can't we just make one up?" he remarked confusatorily.

@: Last night I couldn't sleep at all, just lying wide awake "Oh, insomnia?" No, in bed you idiot. Where the hell is Somnia?