@SarcasticAlly12: Find someone who shares your values & dreams- but likes a different kind of dipping sauce for chicken strips so you don't have to share that
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@T_Bonezzz_: My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So I'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave.
@withanewname: Her: *leaving seductively, slowly dragging fingertip across countertop* Mgr: What'd she want? Me: nothing. Mgr: Where're all the donuts?
@AristotlesNZ: 5yo: Can we go get a turtle? They're so cool! Me: Whats so cool about turtles? 5yo: They can breath thru their butts! Me: Grab your coat..