@FinallyHeSleeps: Finding $5 you didn't know you had is awesome til you realize you're 34, it's 2011 & $5 won't even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff.
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@whatmaddness: A super villain who foils all your plots, but your plots are just lasagnas and he makes them cook super unevenly.
@bourgeoisalien: I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I’m surprised by on my neighbor’s lawn are metal lawn ornaments he’s had for 5 years.
@SteveSuckington: 1st wise man: I brought gold for the baby 2nd wise man: [hiding frankincense behind his back] actually that gold is from both of us