@Boleyngirly: Fine. I'll rush you to the hospital, but then we're doing what I want.
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@EndhooS: I invited Alan over for dinner. "Alan Jacobs? Or Alan who thinks he's Captain America?" *a badly painted bin lid smashes through the window*
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: There's a spider on the carpet! Me: Haha, that's just a piece of fuzz. *fuzz moves* Me: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE!
@minnie_in_pink7: Not to brag, but I can cure a man of having a thing for me in five minutes flat.