@ChaseMit: "Fine, I'm sorry, you win, just, please stop crying." - my rap battle opponent
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@ProdigyNelson: *girl calls me daddy* *hammer appears in my hand* "oh no" *I start building a deck* "what have you done" *grill turns itself on*
@dorsalstream: [lights 2016 calendar on fire] There. Now you can't hurt anyone any longer. [wind blows calendar onto my coat; I'm engulfed in flames]
@Underchilde: Counting to ten after someone pisses you off gives you time to think of somewhere to bury them.