@RollAroundSue: Finished my 2nd glass of wine. Husband doesn't know it yet but he has a 30 second window of getting laid before I pass ou
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@causticbob: An Italian engineer was kidnapped in Nigeria. Demands were sent via email to his family, but they just got deleted as spam.
@Papa_Mex: 8:00am on a Saturday morning and my neighbor was mowing his lawn. Now he looks really funny covered in paint balls
@TheTrueDocLove: I'm bored I think I'll go to the mall, find a really good parking spot and sit there with my reverse lights on.
@sad_tree: She's marrying HIM?! TODAY?! *cut to me sprinting across town to stop the wedding but I see a good dog at the park and pet him instead*