@RollAroundSue: Finished my 2nd glass of wine. Husband doesn't know it yet but he has a 30 second window of getting laid before I pass ou
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@Donnie_Fairburn: One time someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
@4boding: My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she’s learned enough in school. She’s 5.
@Hilarious_Idiot: Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I'm good..