@dril: fired for "unleashing rats at work" which is bull shit first off because they don't make leashes for rats
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@flashember: "Alex is visiting later tonight." Alex from work or Alex the astronaut with amazing hearing? [From the moon] It's not me, Thelma. Hi Bob.
@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.
@tastefactory: [in front of fire] DATE: I'm still kinda cold *she looks at my jacket* ME: Oh! Yeah *I take off jacket & throw it in fire* That oughta do it