@markleggett: Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."
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@Cheeseboy22: The lady behind me in line at Target was frustrated I was writing a check, so I got out a feather pen and ink bottle and did it right.
@mommy_cusses: *Me, getting my arm bitten off during a zombie apocalypse* 5: *crying* Me: It's okay, son. 5: You said you were gonna get me a snack.
@ArfMeasures: [Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not
@mstern68: [Interview] Me: I really need the paycheck Him: This is an unpaid internship. Me: Do you provide snacks? Him: Um, yes Me: Keep going...