@markleggett: Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."
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@Kamikaze_Blonde: Some days parenting's like The Sound of Music but with less singing and more hiding from the Nazis.
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist
@68Cly29: I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and grogery shop. I think I only need a woman for one thing. To let me know when I am wrong.