@markleggett: Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."
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@braag_: hello vegans, if PIGS are so SMART why do 66% of them build houses with INEFFECTIVE, STUPID materials
@squirrel74wkgn: [at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* "No...why do you ask?"
@mattgallo123: The cool thing about driving 15 mph in a school zone is that it makes it so much easier to text.
@AlexRogaski: The Chinese New Year is almost here. I know they're in another time zone, but 2 months behind seems a little extreme.