@BuckyIsotope: Fired from my job as an autopsy technician for repeatedly asking "are you gonna eat that?" during the procedures.
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@brendohare: Every night someone breaks into my house & dresses me for the next day. I guess I'd be more upset if it wasn't saving me time in the morning
@RickAaron: 2016: Trump elected 2018: Border wall completed 2020: Mexico takes Gold, Silver & Bronze in Pole Vault at the Summer Olympics
@lovemyboots111: How do you know your man is cheating? When he drives by her place the wifi connects
@ninjadinosaur1: The priest said that the demon really wants to leave, but I'm way too clingy, so the exorcism didn't work.