@1Happytwit: Firemen are always really friendly, until they figure out it was you that started the fire.
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@Arbitral: Parents who are afraid that giving teenagers condoms will just ensure they have sex to use them have obviously never owned a bread maker.
@BootsORiley: Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why i can not watch Breaking Bad.
@KeetPotato: leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles
@bourgeoisalien: I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, "Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"