@1Happytwit: Firemen are always really friendly, until they figure out it was you that started the fire.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JohnASinclair: I'm gonna have a secret lair that consists of toilets and sinks. It'll be called "John Sinclair's john and sink lair"
@envydatropic: I'm at the age where "pop, lock, and drop" is about my knee giving out instead of dance moves
@WilliamAder: Me: How do you like being an Uber driver. Driver: I don't work for Uber. Me: So, I just willingly climbed into a windowless van, didn't I?
@1Happytwit: My ex told me that Gaga's "Bad Romance" song reminds him of me. Now I'm glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga.