@zoebread: firemen keep harvesting my cat tree
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@TheTweetOfGod: Traditional marriage was between a boy's parents and a girl's parents. And maybe some cattle.
@krautsider: Top 4 horrified face expressions: 4. dragged away by crocodile 3. stabbed by serial killer 2. mauled by bear 1. no toilet paper
@LlamaInaTux: Moms 2007: I don't know why you text LOL when you aren't literally laughing Moms 2017: Cry face emoji, clapping hands, three monkeys
@Sickayduh: When life tosses me a football, I'm the ref who's not looking and everyone laughs when I get booped in the face