@ActualPerson084: FIRMS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF OFFERING SERVICES YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AT PRICES THEY REFUSE TO DISCUSS.
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@GavinProbably: I always ask Subway workers if THEY want double meat, then wink. Then I get kicked out.
@better_off_dad: Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: *puts naked Barbie away. 'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think! Her:Freak! Me:Did you feel--anything?
@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.
@TheCiscoKidder: 5 year old: Where does wind come from, daddy? Me: It comes from people asking too many questions.