@thejessbess: First date: *puts entire onion ring in mouth* If yo'lik et ven yo'shoulla puh a wring owh it.
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@s8n: If it's 1 or 1000 sins you're still getting sent to Hell. So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come down here a legend
@3sunzzz: If you don't let me in the bathroom, I can't guarantee your safety when you pee. ~dogs, apparently
@1800Randy: My kids are playing cowboys and Indians. One is pretending to ride a horse and shoot stuff, the other is providing tech support.
@BevisSimpson: To little kid eyeing my McDonalds: thats right i can eat this any time i want... Dont ask about any of the other parts of my life please.