@OBiiieeee: First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though
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@codyspencer0: Cereal box mascots give kids a dangerously positive view of animals who in the wild would literally kill them before they gave them cereal.
@kumailn: When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men "are" ready to attack
@Jacksawyerr: Sorry, the dog stood on my keyboard and liked that Instagram photo of you from 47 weeks ago.