@OBiiieeee: First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though
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@tchrquotes: When she said "I think we got way too much pizza." I knew I Finally had my chance to shine, to be the hero.
@Douchekevin: SHHHHH!!!!!!! I just got followed by a Jehovah Witness. All of you keep quiet and pretend we aren't home...
@DaddyBeerGuy: In case you haven't checked Facebook, It's hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!
@tuckerflodman: Hey girl, on a scale of 'Neo's mind in the beginning of The Matrix' and 'Neo's mind at the end', how free are you tonight?